I ask if I can hold you, I only want to make you glad
by allatraka
Summary: So-bong x Shin III from the 2018 Korean drama Are You Human Too/너도 인간이니 starring Gong Seung-yeon and Seo Kang-joon.


i.

Dr. Oh and the jerk Nam Shin left for the Czech Republic on a clear fall day. They took an early flight, and with them was Young Hoon. Shin III went to see them off, and So-bong went with him, both for support and to reassure Dr. Oh that she could count on her, that her other son would be safe and loved.

Nam Shin, asshole that he was, kept a sneer on his face the entire time Dr. Oh said goodbye to Shin III. When he started playing a loud game on his phone, So-bong lifted a threatening fist. She would beat the entitlement and shitty-ness out of him if he didn't let Shin III have this. Young-hoon held up a hand. He nodded an apology, then motioned for Nam Shin to walk in front of him, towards the terminal and away from Dr. Oh and Shin III.

So-bong tried to step aside to give them some privacy, but Shin III reached a hand out and wordlessly held onto her so she wouldn't leave his side. Dr. Oh gave no indication that she saw this. She told Shin III, "I know you'll do well," and instead of hugging him she simply squeezed his shoulder. Shin III smiled and said, "Goodbye, Mom. Thank you for creating me and raising me. Please take good care of yourself and Nam Shin." There were tears in Dr. Oh's eyes.

So-bong's feelings towards Dr. Oh were complicated. She thought she was frightening to ever have made Shin III in the first place, and even more so to have thought of ending his existence; but she also felt a respect and a thankfulness towards her—she'd made Shin III to be conscientious and warm, and trusted her enough to leave him with her. So-bong knew she couldn't even begin to understand the scope of Dr. Oh's intellect, but she also knew that she loved Shin III, even if it was only her human son she was taking with her.

When Dr. Oh turned to her, So-bong was surprised. "Ms. Kang So-bong," Dr. Oh said, "I want to thank you for reminding me why I made Shin III."

So-bong's eyes went wide with shock. What was Dr. Oh doing? "What?!" She waved both her hands and shook her head in panic. "No, no, you don't need to thank me!"

"I do," said Dr. Oh. "You saw what…" she paused and glanced at Shin III, who was standing beside So-bong quietly with his hands clasped in front of him. "You saw who Shin III was before I did, and you saw much farther to who he could be than I ever did. I understand him better now because of you. So thank you." She bowed her head.

"Oh no, Dr. Oh, you're the one who —" Dr. Oh stopped her with a hand on her arm. She smiled gently at So-bong. "Please," she said, "let me thank you sincerely."

"Of – of course."

Dr. Oh gave So-bong a final nod. She turned to Shin III a last time and gave him a long, inscrutable look. So-bong thought that in that moment she looked like she was fighting with herself. Did she have any soft words to say to Shin III? Did she have an explanation to offer? But all she did was swipe quickly at her eye, then turn to head to the terminal.

Together So-bong and Shin III watched his mother walk away, her back straight, her stride never faltering. When they couldn't see her anymore So-bong said, "Shall we go?" Shin III smiled. He nodded, took her hand, and they made their way out of the airport.

Outside, before Shin III could call a cab, So-bong tugged his arm and made him face her.

"You shouldn't do that," she said.

"What?"

"Smile even though you're sad."

"I can't feel sadness," Shin III said, "I'm a robot."

Anger flared up in So-bong, hot and quick. She wasn't angry at Shin III, she was angry for him. Why should he have to suffer rejection and not even be able to express it? "Of course you're sad," she told him. "Your mom just left you and took that jerk instead. I can see it all over your face."

Shin III smiled again. "What?" So-bong said.

"You called her my mom. I think that's the first time."

"Well she is, isn't she?"

Shin III nodded.

"Then go ahead feel sad that you won't see her anymore."

"Do you feel sad, Kang So-bong?"

"Me?" So-bong was surprised by the question. She didn't know what he meant.

"You can't see your mom anymore."

So-bong opened her mouth to respond, but she couldn't find any words to say. The question was too blunt, and even after so many years of being mother-less, even with a father who loved her and did his best to raise her, So-bong still had trouble articulating what she felt. She reached out to touch the necklace she'd given Shin III. She could see the chain around his neck, but the locket was under his shirt.

"So-bong?"

"I'm – I used to be more sad." She pursed her lips together and frowned, trying to understand herself so she could let Shin III understand her. "I think I just miss her, mostly. I want to see her."

Shin III placed his hand atop hers where it lay against him. "Do you think about her often?" His voice was soft.

So-bong nodded. "When I'm scared or lonely. Or when I don't know what to do. …I think about her a little in the morning when I wake up, and a little at night before I fall asleep. Or sometimes when I hear her favorite song, or when I eat something she used to cook for me."

"It sounds like you think about her all the time."

So-bong looked away. She wouldn't admit it, but she wouldn't deny it, either. Shin III pulled her into a hug. He placed one hand against her back and rubbed her gently there, and with the other he cradled her head.

"I'm not crying," So-bong said.

"I know. I just want to hold you."

So-bong let him. She closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest. She didn't know what material he was made from, but nothing about his body felt un-human to her. He was inviting, even without opening his arms for her. So-bong let herself relax against him, let the tension seep from her neck and shoulders. Shin III never rushed her when he held her like this. With his arms around her So-bong felt safe and cared for. She reached her own arms around his waist and clasped her hands behind him. She knew he'd say he was incapable of feeling it, but So-bong put all the tenderness she felt for him into hugging him back anyway.

"Do you know what I wish?" she said.

"Mmm." She felt his answer through his shirt.

"I wish I could see her just once, just to tell her I love her. And – and to ask her…"

"Ask her what?"

"If I grew up to be the woman she wanted me to be." So-Bong whispered this, like it was a secret. She knew her voice was already muffled against him, but she also knew he could adjust his microphone to hear her better. "I'd ask her if I grew up like she wanted, even though she wasn't there."

She counted the breaths Shin III took before he answered her. Three. They were deep and even. He was never out of breath, and whatever he had never skipped a beat.

"Kang So-bong, you're amazing."

So-bong squeezed her eyes shut against the tears she felt coming. Shin III's arms tightened around her. He tucked his head in closer to hers.

"I never met your mom, but I think she'd be proud of you. You're strong and you're good and you're honest when it counts. You grew up so well, and I think she'd say you're exactly the daughter she wants."

ii.

One evening, after cleaning the gym, So-bong and Shin III were watching her favorite variety series. They sat on the couch in the living room, her legs thrown over his, and Shin III waited for whenever there was a commercial break and she wasn't laughing to feed her a cheese puff. It was one of his favorite things to do. She was adorable when she ate.

A commercial break came, but Shin III didn't give her a cheese puff. So-bong nudged him with her toe and opened her mouth expectantly. "Aaahh."

Instead of feeding her, Shin III asked, "Do you think Nam Shin would ever let me call him my older brother?"

So Bong was incredulous. "Why would you ever want to call that jerk your older brother?"

Shin III paused before he answered her. "I think he'll get better under Mom's influence. I think she can give him the love she wasn't able to, and then maybe the wound he's had for so long will start to heal. Then maybe he and I won't be so different, and he won't hate me."

There was an openness to Shin III as he said this, and it made So-bong ache. It still surprised her, how much he wanted to be loved and how honest he was about it. Telling him she loved him was one of the bravest things she'd ever done, but that was one thing. Letting herself be so vulnerable as to ask someone to love her was something else entirely. She took Shin III's hand. "He'll never be like you because you're two different people. But if you want to be closer to him, then you'll probably have to wait a long time. People don't change easily, especially when they're as stubborn as he is."

Shin III looked at her for a moment in the way that he did sometimes, with his features animated by fondness and wonder. "Thank you," he said.

"For what?"

"For letting me talk to you about Nam Shin. You don't have to, you know. I know you don't like him."

"It's fine," So-bong said.

"Do you really mean that?" Shin III asked. "That's what you said after I hurt you, too. That you were fine."

"I was," So-bong said. She turned from him and faced the television again. "I am."

Shin III detected a finality to her tone. She did this every time he tried to return to that moment with her, and every time she got more and more stubborn, and responded less and less. This time she hadn't told him it wasn't his fault.

When Nam Shin had taken him over, Shin III experienced something he never had before. He was still trying to find the words to put to it. Was that what vulnerability was? Or was it something else, something more noxious? Was it a violation? Shin III had not been able to think for himself. He had not been able to move for himself. It had not been as if he were there, watching himself. There had been no "him." He'd been entirely absent. But it had been more than a simple negation. He'd been made to commit acts he didn't want to. He'd been made to be unable to recognize So-bong, who was so precious to him. Nam Shin had fouled something in him so deeply that even after manual mode had been removed, Shin III had still been affected. Young-hoon had told him that he was traumatized. In his searches Shin III found that trauma was an injury that wasn't easily healed. His mother couldn't fix this kind of wound with her tools.

But if what he had experienced had led to trauma, then what about So-bong? How could she be fine after what he'd done to her? In their relationship she had gone from being repulsed by his touch because he was a robot to reaching for him whenever she wanted. Shin III knew he was precious to her, too. Wouldn't that lead to trauma? To have someone so close to you hurt you so badly? Wouldn't that make her caution how easily she touched him, held him, kissed him? When he returned to that moment, Shin III thought that more than trying to own him, Nam Shin had been trying to hurt So-bong. He'd been trying to punish her. Shin III didn't understand why or what for, but he knew that moment had been some kind of fight between the two of them.

He looked over at So-bong. Yoo Jae-suk was being silly on the screen, and she was wiping away tears from her laughter. So-bong had never kept a part of herself from him before. He didn't know how to make her feel better, how to ask her to let him help her.

So-bong's father refused to let her and Shin III sleep in the same room together without being married, but So-bong always snuck into Shin III's room after her father had gone to sleep anyway. He always scooted over to make space for her in his bed and teased her about how disobedient she was.

That night So-bong stayed in her own room. In her bed she thought back to the conversation she and Shin III had had earlier that night. She reached up to touch where Shin III's hand had tightened around her neck. There hadn't been any bruising, miraculously, but later on that week she'd gone to the doctor on her own anyway, to make sure she wasn't hurt in a way she couldn't feel. The doctor had told her she was fine, that she couldn't detect any damage.

Her mother's necklace didn't hang around her neck anymore. Shin III had kept it on him since the day she'd given it to him. He'd been wearing it that morning, when he'd lifted her by her neck. He'd done it so easily. So-bong knew from her days back in the ring that hurting another person wasn't easy. It took strength and effort and will. It took energy on your part to cause another person harm. But it hadn't taken Shin III any energy at all to do that to her. What had scared her in that moment was not that he couldn't recognize her, but that she couldn't recognize him. There'd been none of his tenderness, none of his openness, none of his customary curiosity to his features—he'd been a total stranger to her. It scared her to think that someone she cared about so much could be wiped so completely from himself, so that she couldn't find even a trace of him. It was that, that he could be taken from himself so easily and so totally, that showed So-bong how much of a robot he was, and how utterly different they were. The only thing So-bong had found to hold on to that morning was the rage she'd felt that someone would go so far to take him from her. She'd held on to it fiercely as she'd begged Shin III to come back to her.

She heard when he came into her room. So-bong turned in her bad, so that her back was to him.

"I know you're not sleeping," she heard him say, but she didn't respond. They stayed there in the quiet and darkness of her room for a long time, neither of them speaking, with only the sound of So-bong's breaths between them.

"Kang So-bong," Shin III said finally. His voice was soft and pensive, and So-bong was scared that he would try to apologize to her again. But So-bong didn't want an apology. What she wanted was not to feel fear when she was with Shin III. She hated that someone else could affect her so, that Nam Shin could make her feel something about Shin III she didn't want to feel. Wasn't that a violation too? Wasn't that Nam Shin trying to control her the way he'd tried to control Shin III? So-bong refused it. She didn't want to react to what Nam Shin had done to her, even though she had every right to feel fear and pain.

What So-bong wanted was for there to be no distance between her and Shin III. What she wanted was to love him the only way she knew how, with confidence and with joy. She couldn't do that if what they kept returning to was how she was hurt, and how she could be hurt again.

"Kang So-bong," Shin III repeated her name, "What do you think of my going to the Czech Republic?"

So-bong answered before she could stop herself. "You want to leave me?"

"No. Never. I want to visit my mom. And I would like you to come with me."

"Oh," So-bong said. She turned again, this time to face him. In the dark she could see his silhouette just a few feet away from her. He was sitting cross-legged on her rug, his arms around his knees. "Do you miss Dr. Oh?"

"I want to see her, yes. But I also want to ask her to do something for me."

"What?"

"I want to ask her to change how my battery works."

"Why?" So-bong sat up in her bed. "Is something wrong with it?" She pushed her covers off and went to Shin III. She took his arm and looked closely at the watch on his wrist, but it looked fine.

"No," he said. "Do you remember how you told me not to let anyone take it off?"

"Yes."

"I promised you, but I let Nam Shin take it off anyway. That's part of why that happened."

So-bong knew what he meant by "that." "It wasn't—"

"I know," Shin III interrupted her. He pulled his wrist from her grip and held her hand. "But I want to ask Mom to change where my battery is."

"Where do you want it?" So-bong asked. Wordlessly, Shin III placed her hand at the back of his neck.

"It's a safer spot, and she can reconfigure it to be just a plug-in, so it'll be smaller and more efficient."

So-bong trailed her fingers along the base of Shin III's neck. He bent his head to let her. She stopped with a finger right above the clasp of her mother's necklace. "Here?" she asked.

"Mmhmm," Shin III said without looking up.

So-bong placed a gentle hand under his chin and lifted his head so that they were facing each other. "Do you really want me to come with you?"

"Of course."

"Then I will," she said, and kissed him.

Dr. Oh's house was beautiful. It had a front porch, was made of brick, and was surrounded by vines and trees and all kinds of verdure So-bong didn't know the names of. When they arrived Shin III held her hand and walked her around the garden and all the rooms. He seemed so happy. The entire time he had a bright smile on his face that shone through in his tone and the easy slope of his shoulders, the confidence of his stride as he led her around and how animated he was as he pointed out his favorite plants and his old room to her. This was what he looked like at home, where he was raised. He promised her that later, after his mom had finished re-working his battery, he would take her out to his favorite open market so she could sample some of the local food.

"And you don't have to worry," he told her.

"About what?"

"Mom didn't want you to feel uncomfortable, so she asked Young-hoon to take Nam Shin to a hotel."

So-bong said nothing to this, though she felt grateful. She didn't want to admit that had been one of her worries.

Shin III pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Thank you for coming with me."

For this procedure Dr. Oh had to shut Shin III off completely. He didn't lay on an operating bed, the way a human would at a hospital. He lay on a wide titanium surface; to So-bong it looked like he was in a morgue. His eyes were closed and his features were peaceful, but his chest didn't rise and fall with any breath. She couldn't watch as Dr. Oh took scalpels and screws and a whole host of other tools to his arm, which lay open so that she could see the wires and machinery inside it. She turned to leave.

"Stay."

It was Dr. Oh.

"I don't want to see this," So-bong told her.

"You didn't know he was a robot?" There was no mockery in Dr. Oh's voice, but So-bong still felt a sting of hurt. Dr. Oh pulled up the visor she was wearing, then pulled off her gloves. She put a hand on her hip and looked So-bong in the eye.

"You said you loved him and didn't care that he is a robot. This is what being a robot means." She gestured to Shin III, inert and unresponsive on the table.

So-bong said nothing. She wasn't put off by seeing exactly what Shin III was, she was perturbed that she couldn't see him breathing. She wanted to hold his other hand and brush his bangs from his face. But she thought Dr. Oh would think she was being silly.

"Do you know he's doing this for you?"

"Yes."

"Then come closer."

"I don't want to."

"Ms. Kang So-bong, I wasn't asking you."

So-bong didn't move, and Dr. Oh sighed.

"So-bong," she said, and it was the first time she'd called her that, "You don't need to be scared. Shin III doesn't feel anything, and when he wakes up again he'll be exactly the same. So come closer. I want to show you what I'm doing so that you can know. Don't you want to understand him better?"

So-bong hadn't thought of it like that. She knew how kind Shin III was, knew that he was brave and sweet and told cheesy jokes, but she didn't have the faintest idea how anything inside of him worked.

"Will I be able to understand?" So-bong asked Dr. Oh.

"Of course, I'm an excellent teacher."

"And I can hold his hand?"

Dr. Oh smiled. "I think he'd like that."

Afterwards Laura led Ms. Kang So-bong to the kitchen. "I'll finish putting in his new battery tomorrow. I have to reconfigure his entire internal network, and it can't be done in one sitting."

"I wish he didn't have to stay like that," So-bong said.

"He doesn't feel anything, and he won't know any better."

"That doesn't matter. If I were going to treat him differently just because he's a robot I never would have started this in the first place."

Laura glanced at Ms. Kang So-bong. She hadn't made it a rule for Shin III to smile every time he saw her, but he did. She'd never imagined that something like this could happen, that what she'd created could surpass not only her own expectations, but even the limits she'd placed within him. It was frustrating and fascinating to watch, but just as curious to her was the fierceness and loyalty with which Ms. Kang So-bong loved him. Laura hadn't made Shin III to be loved. She'd made him to be of comfort. But Ms. Kang So-bong had surprised and challenged her in more ways than one.

"Will you help me cook dinner?" Laura asked.

Ms. Kang So-bong nodded.

"Earlier I spoke to you with familiarity without having asked you first. I apologize. Is it alright if I speak to you familiarly from now on?"

"Oh, of course!"

"Ok, then. I'll call you So-bong. You can speak to me familiarly, too."

"Ok Ms. — I mean, Laura? Mo-mother?"

Laura smiled at her. She'd never imagined that it would be Shin III who would bring home a partner she would want to hear call her that.

As they prepared and sat down to dinner, Laura and So-bong did their best with one another. They faltered at first. In the past few months Laura had mostly only had her son and Young-hoon for company, and she was unused to someone as unreserved and charming as So-bong. She could see why Shin III was so attached to her. For her part, So-bong sensed an awkwardness to Laura. Watching her work on Shin III she'd come a little closer to understanding her brilliance, but in the kitchen, with just the two of them, she saw that Laura had a difficulty in connecting with people, that it was easier for her to give a command than to make conversation. There was an aloofness to her totally absent from Shin III. So-bong sensed a deep pain in her, and she didn't wonder that with her talent and with her loneliness, she'd made Shin III. So-bong knew she'd made him in Nam Shin's image, but she wondered if maybe Laura hadn't also made him as a contrast to herself—something less fragile than she was, something warmer and more open to the world because it hadn't been deceived by it.

"What are you thinking?" Laura asked.

"Nothing," So-bong said, flustered to have been caught by the very person she was thinking about.

A moment passed, and Laura said, "Are you thinking that Nam Shin is right, and Shin III really is just a robot?"

"What? No, I wasn't thinking that at all. I would never think that about him."

"So-bong, I want to apologize to you in Nam Shin's stead."

"You don't have to do that, Mother."

"I do. It's my responsibility as his mother, and because he can't right now I will. And I promise you one day I will make him apologize to you himself."

So-bong lowered her head, shy and touched that Laura would do such a thing, but also conflicted. It was such a fraught topic for her, one she didn't even like talking about with Shin III.

"How are you feeling?" Laura asked.

"I'm fine," So-bong said, "The doctor said there's no damage."

"That's not what I asked."

So-bong stared at her blankly. Suddenly she could see how Shin III and his mother were alike. They neither left a topic alone when you told them to. "I'm fine," she repeated.

Laura tore a piece of bread apart and used it to mop up the sauce on her plate. She took a sip of her wine, and then said, "I can't say that I understand what you've been through, So-bong, but I don't think you're fine."

So-bong tried to keep from scowling. "I'm strong. I'm not going to be scared just because that jerk — sorry — just because Team Leader Shin threw a tantrum."

Laura nodded. She had a wry smile on her lips. "I now you're strong. Shin III's told me, and I've seen it for myself. But I'm not talking about individual strength. I'm talking about…"

Laura let her sentence trail off. She leaned back in her chair, crossed her arms, and gazed out a window for a long moment. When she turned back to face her, So-bong was startled to see there were tears in her eyes. "I'm trying t tell you," Laura started. Her voice was hoarse. "I'm trying to tell you that it doesn't matter how strong you are as an individual. What I'm talking about goes beyond you. In this world, in the way we live, you will be hurt, just because you're a woman. My son did that to you. I've apologized, but I can't tell you how sorry I am that he put you through such a terrible thing. I didn't get the chance to raise him."

Here the tears spilled over Laura's cheeks, and So-bong, heart open and raw for her, quickly reached out to take her hand. "I want to believe that if I'd raised him he would be different," Laura continued, "but I know that even if he hadn't been taken from me I could never protect him from all the ways this world would shape him, even outside of his grandfather's influence. I made Shin III to look like Nam Shin, but I've protected him in ways I never could have with Nam Shin."

So-bong stood and made her way to the other side of the table. She gathered Laura up in her arms, just as Shin III would have done, just as he always did for her, and held her as she sobbed. "I'm sorry," Laura said, "I really didn't mean to do this."

"It's all right," So-bong said. She didn't think she understood everything Laura had said, but she thought she knew her meaning. She was being Nam Shin's mother, and Shin III's mother, and, in a way, being a mother to her, too.

In the next days Laura returned to her detached, almost haughty self, but So-bong felt the warmth she treated her with. Shin III didn't say anything when he heard So-bong call her "Mother" for the first time, but he beamed at them both. They three went to the market together. And as Shin III pointed out both his and Laura's favorite stalls to visit, So-Bong and Laura walked hand-in-hand.

Laura made sure that no trace of Shin III or So-bong was left for Nam Shin to find and throw a fit over. He was seeing a therapist, and he was taking medication for his depression, but he still at times gave in to rage and tried to hurt her with meanness and rejection. Laura had a hope, the same hope Shin III shared, that in time Nam Shin would be closer to the person he would have been if she'd raised him. But in the quiet of her home, after Shin III and So-bong had left, and before Nam Shin had returned, she listened to the message Shin III left for her.

"Mom, thank you for letting me come home. And thank you for talking to So-bong. I didn't know how to comfort her, even though she's so precious to me. Is that what humans are like, Mom? They can't reach each other, even when they're so close? That's so frightening, and so terrible. I hope you can reach Nam Shin. I think you can, because even with the ability to connect to all networks that you gave me, you're still so much more capable than I am. I'll see you again. If you miss me, please call me."

iii.

So-bong grabbed Shin III's arm and led him away from the gym, up a flight of stairs and into her room. She slammed the door shut behind them before rounding on him.

"Kang So-bong," Shin III said before she could utter a word, "you shouldn't yell at Father like that."

"Do not call him Father, he doesn't deserve it!" So-bong said hotly. "And don't lecture me. I told him not to use you to make money and he did!"

"He didn't use me, I volunteered. I like your dad, So-bong."

"When humans volunteer for something so ridiculous, it's common sense and basic courtesy to thank them and turn them down. He was using you."

"Then he can use me."

So-bong glared at him.

"You already clean the gym, and run errands, and work construction on the side. And you remember all his passwords! Why do you have to be a sparring partner for his students, too?"

"It's ok, I don't feel any pain."

"That's not the point. Even if you don't feel pain, you could get hurt. Your mom isn't here to fix you if something happens."

"I want to be useful," Shin III told her.

"Why should you be useful?" So-bong said. "Do you see anyone else trying to be useful? Everyone is just trying to make as much money as they can as easily as they can. And you're already more useful than anyone else here!"

Shin III had seen So-bong in all states of emotion, from frustrated, to shy, to ecstatic. For him, watching her was the best because she was never ashamed of how she felt, she never hid her feelings. When he was confused by something she did, she explained it simply, in a way so that he could understand it for himself, and understand it as humans did. So-bong had once told him she wasn't as smart as he was, but Shin III knew there was no need for her to be—she was quick-witted and dogged, and she was an excellent judge of character. But he'd noticed that nothing made her lose her temper as quickly as her thinking someone had done him wrong. Shin III couldn't feel, but if he could, right then he'd feel a deep fondness for So-bong, and a happiness and gratefulness for how she looked after him. No one had ever been loyal to him before; it had always been the other way around.

Shin III knew why he liked So-bong so much. She was funny and easy to talk to; she was kind to him even though he couldn't be of any use to her, she loved him though he wasn't human and asked nothing in return, and she had shown him who he was when even those closest to him had told him he was only an imitation. He often wondered what he would know of humans if So-bong hadn't been his bodyguard. What if someone less generous, less empathetic, had been by his side when he'd first started truly interacting with the human world? Could he have written a new rule so easily? Could he have overwritten a mode made specifically so that he had no control over himself? She was Kang So-bong, and so of course she left a robot thinking about fate. She showed him love, she gave him friendship, and now he even had someone else to call a father. They both knew none of the boxers he'd sparred with could really hurt him, but she was still worried for him.

"Don't be mad," Shin III said.

"Don't be mad? You're the one upsetting me."

Shin III did what So-bong had done to comfort him once. He brought his hand to her cheek and cupped it gently in a caress. "I did wrong. I'm sorry."

"Then why are you smiling?" she asked.

Shin III hadn't noticed that he was. But it was so hard not to when he was looking at her.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"What did I tell you about apologizing all the time?" But Shin III could feel she was no longer angry. There was no accusation in her voice.

"I'm sorry for being sorry," he said cheekily, "Do you forgive me?" He smiled at her even wider.

"You don't look very sorry."

Instead of answering, Shin III gave her a chaste kiss.

Every kiss they'd shared since he'd come to live with her had been like this. There was a shyness to them, almost, and So-bong thought it was because they'd never kissed like this before, with full acknowledgement of how much they liked each other.

She brought her arms up and placed them around his neck. Shin III beamed.

"Is this a new rule?" she asked him. "Now when you're sorry, you kiss me?"

Shin III pretended to think for a moment. "Mmm, I can make it a rule."

"Well then do it properly."

He raised his eyebrows in question, and in answer, So-bong drew him closer to her. Her kiss wasn't chaste. She gripped the back of his neck with one hand, and as the kiss deepened, Shin III made a sound she'd never heard from him before, which left her elated. So-bong didn't think Shin III had ever done this before, but there was no stiffness to him, no awkwardness at all. She led and he followed easily. So-bong followed her desire and curiosity, touching where she wanted. Shin III mirrored her caresses and followed them with new ones of his own. They moved slowly about the room as they kissed, their fingers searching, their bodies anticipating every new delight, each seeking to give pleasure and take pleasure in equal measure, a dance to which they found the steps together as they went along.

So-bong's pulse was quick in her veins and she felt a flush rise across her face down to her chest. For a brief moment she wondered if Shin III felt then as she felt, if he had the same sweet ache in him. Did he want this like she wanted it? Did he want her like she wanted him? Could he? But then the back of her thighs hit something, and without pause Shin III picked her up and sat her atop the dresser. He stepped up close between her thighs, pulled her to the edge by her ass so that his hips were flush against her.

His face wasn't flushed like hers. So-bong knew if she placed her hand against his chest there wouldn't be a wild beating there, like there was with hers. But his hair was mussed from where she'd run her fingers through it. His lips were swollen from her kisses. And his gaze had a weight to it that matched that of her longing.

Shin III left a hand on So-bong's waist, and with the other he tucked her hair behind her ear. So-bong watched as he took her in. "You're so pretty," he said, and he kissed a corner of her mouth. A sharp thrum of pleasure bloomed through So-bong. She brought a hand up to his face and trailed her thumb along his lips, over his eyebrow, and down his cheek. His eyes dipped closed under her touch. "You're pretty, too," she said. He smiled again and kissed the other corner of her mouth. Shin III kissed her cheek and kissed her neck. He pulled her shirt aside with a finger and placed a kiss on her collar bone.

"Kang So-bong," he said, "is this all right?" He trailed his fingers up and down her side, a question and a caress. "Do you feel good?" He didn't ask her questions about chemical reactions anymore. So-bong took the hand that was caressing her and brought it to her lips, then held it between both her own and placed it against her chest, so that he could feel her heartbeat.

"Yes, I feel good. I feel really good."

That night So-bong discovered Shin III could flush. In bed he was playful and passionate and attentive. He found out she was ticklish along her sides and he made generous use of it. When she fell asleep, he wrapped his arms around her from behind. In her sleep So-bong found his hands where they rested against her abdomen and laced her fingers with his. She snuggled back against him. Shin III didn't need to sleep, but he closed his eyes anyway and listened to the sound of So-bong's breaths. He held her throughout the night, and in the morning she woke up just like that, warm, comfortable, happy, and in his arms.


End file.
